The Benchwarmers (8/13/2015)
On this edition of The Benchwarmers with Darnz and Brad
- Ik to Bills after Geno Punch
- Pope to bless Bradford’s knee
- Team USA Basketball update
- PGA Championship
- Preseason NFL
- Fantasy Football Busts
And much more!
On this edition of The Benchwarmers with Darnz and Brad
And much more!
Orlando City is winless in their last four MLS matches (6-9-6), and fell from 6th to 8th place in the Eastern Conference standings. The top six teams from each conference advance to the playoffs when the regular season ends on Sunday, October 25th.
Orlando City SC Loses In New York, 5-3
Three games into the 2015 season, Tomase put on his Red Sox cap in the wee hours of the morning and cranked out a pro-Red Sox, anti-Yankees op-ed column for the website of WEEI, the Red Sox flagship radio affiliate. Less than four months later, the article is so incredibly incorrect it defies logic that it was written by a professional.
Let’s read how the Red Sox Fan Embarrasses Himself paragraph by paragraph:
Red Sox Fan Embarrasses Himself
As Marc Leishman and Zach Johnson practiced on the putting green, Spieth prepared for his 102yd second shot on 18. Spieth needed to birdie the hole to join the playoff round – something Louis Oosthuizen would do one pairing later. As Spieth drew back to swing at his most important shot of the afternoon, a photographer with an itchy trigger finger suffered premature daguerreolation – stopping Spieth mid-shot and drawing the ire of caddy Michael Greller. Although Spieth tried desperately to regain his composure, his finally undisturbed second attempt to swing in peace was long. Spieth put everything into a final desperation putt, graciously attempted out of noise range of photographers, missed the cup by inches. Spieth finished his attempt at history one stroke behind the leaders at 14 under.
As the three-player playoff got underway, Spieth was gracious; “We gave it a great effort. I didn’t think three guys would get to 15 under today.” Asked about his decision on 18 to go far left, Spieth stated, “I wanted to get a flat lie and it went a little too left.”
And way too close to the peanut gallery of paparazzi, who instead of recording history would become part of a moment that would not be historical in any way.
Asked what made the shot tough for him, Spieth was to the point; “I was between clubs.”
After weeks of the added pressure, seagulls, sirens, bagpipes, and crazy weather conditions – it was one ill-timed shutter click that would break into Spieth’s otherwise flawless focus during the stretch. For Spieth, less than a week away from his 22nd birthday, the first thoughts in his mind after his putt fell short said it all:
“It was just tough.”
Spieth Historic Run Ended By Photographer
It happened at Jeffreys Bay, South Africa during the Final Heat of the World Surf League’s J-Bay Open. Australian Julian Wilson began the round with a 6.67 and defending champion Mick Fanning was in the surf waiting for his chance to compete.
And then it happened.
Immediately after the attack Fanning told his rescuers, “It just kept pounding at my board and I was just like kicking and screaming – I punched it in the back!”
Cocoa Beach’s Kelly Slater, who Fanning defeated in the semifinals, had this to say immediately after the attack; “I’m halfway between crying and laughing because it’s like he got so lucky. We almost watched our friend just get eaten by a shark. I’m just blown away that there’s no damage at all.”
Fanning and Wilson agreed to each take equal second in rankings points and split the prize purse that was to be awarded to the winner. Adriano de Souza of Brazil, currently number one in the world, will retain the yellow jersey and the top spot heading into the Billabong Pro Tahiti set for August 14-15.
Fanning might not make the trip to French Polynesia. “I’m happy to not even compete ever again,” Fanning stated on the beach moments after the attack. “Seriously, to walk away from that I’m so stoked.”
Pro Surfer Survives Shark Attack
This coming Monday, the FIFA Executive Board will meet in Zurich for an “Extraordinary Meeting”. The official agenda has been posted on the FIFA website. Based on the agenda contents, it appears it will be an interesting as well as extraordinary meeting. After the normal salute the flag, pledge of allegiance stuff, there will be a report from Sepp Blatter, followed by discussion on “reform of FIFA’s organizational structure”, and then “election of the FIFA president.”
Fans of football/soccer should NOT get their hopes up that the FIFA presidential hostage crisis will end on Day 48. The presidential discussion will likely only set a date for the election, which is rumored to have already been decided as December 16th. To clarify: December, 16th… 2015.
Monday’s extraordinary meeting will also be slightly less attended as was originally hoped, since yesterday Switzerland began the extradition to the United States of the seven FIFA officials arrested on May 27th.
FIFA Blatter To Be Emptied SOON
Upon being awarded “Best Fighter”, Rousey had choice words for fellow award nominee Floyd Mayweather, Jr. As Cari Champion handed her the award on live television Rousey replied, “I wonder how Floyd feels being beaten by a woman for once.” Countering a claim Mayweather made in a 2014 interview that he had no idea who Rousey was – she added, “I’d like to see you pretend to not know who I am now.”
Rousey also accepted “Best Female Athlete” at the ESPY awards, as she took some time away from training for her defense of her UFC women’s bantamweight title against Bethe Correia in UFC 190 August 1st in Rio de Janeiro.
In a previous interview promoting UFC 190 Rousey stated, “This chick is not just getting beaten, she’s getting a learning. My Dad would call it a ‘Come To Jesus Meeting’, so I’m going all the way down to Brazil to have a ‘Come To Jesus Meeting’ with this chick. And no, I’m not going to end it quickly, but not because I can’t end it quickly – but because I choose to.”
When Rousey defeated Mayweather at the ESPY awards, she did so via quick approach.
Ronda Rousey defeats Mayweather
Around the water cooler, you might hear that the Magic picked two nobodies in a draft full of somebodies. Since The Benchwarmers want you to be the smartest tool in the shed, here are the five things cool kids need to know about the Magic’s two draft picks:
Porzingis’ older brother Janis appeared on the World Wide Leader’s New York City radio station on Monday with some not-so-great news. It seems that his little brother is dealing with hip tighness. The problems began during Porzingis’ preparation for his Las Vegas workout on June 12th, the first time most NBA executives had the chance to see him play live. Despite this limited exposure, the Knicks made him the fourth overall pick in the 2015 NBA Draft.
Obviously we are ALL “Day-To-Day”, but when asked if little brother would be ready to play by June 11th in Las Vegas for the Samsung NBA Summer League Brother Janis had this to say; “I don’t know, I really don’t know.” The Knicks maintain that Porzingis is on schedule to play and is back working out after missing a few days.
Porzingis blew up the internet with a video demonstrating his basketball capabilities. Unfortunately, the 14-minute video and a few others like it remain the majority of his playing “body of work.” Porzingis played sparingly for three not-livestreamed seasons in Spain’s LIGA ACB, last season for Baloncesto Sevilla. The 7’1″youngster is exactly one month shy of his 20th birthday and is officially listed by the Knicks at just 220lbs. The same weight that 7’7″ Manute Bol played at during his less-than-spectacular NBA career.
For many Magic fans, it was a sign that Magic GM Rob Hennigan is serious about spending money to improve the roster, especially since most reports believed the Magic offered Millsap $80M over four years. The cadre of curmudgeons spanning the citrus region took a moment yesterday away from worrying about I-4 and the heat to complain that $80M was too much to spend on a player they had never heard of. Luckily for them, Millsap decided to stay in Atlanta for a matching offer that ACTUALLY was three years, $58M.
In case you’re wondering, that’s the SAME amount of money that the New York Knicks have reportedly offered… Arron Afflalo. In the NBA free agent market of 2015, that’s the price a team has to pay for a moderately-talented player. Or a shot at a really good one if you’re a savvy GM like Hennigan.
The Millsap offer brings another “issue” to the forefront. Just like the Magic’s draft selections last week, the Millsap courting came as a complete surprise to the Central Florida sports braintrust. It’s clear that Rob Hennigan and the Magic have a plan that they are executing at a level of stealth that is the envy of other professional sports teams. There appear to be no credible “sources close to the Magic” prematurely leaking their moves – which is totally OK if you’re a fan.
If you need MORE proof, consider this: the signing of Mario Hezonja was generally welcomed with silence by all of the really “smart” local media types. Moments after the pick was announced, the questions began – who was Hezonja, would the Magic be able to buy out his contract, would Hezonja agree to sign, would Hezonja actually play in 2015. This afternoon, less than six days after being selected, Hezonja is signed, sealed, and delivered – ready to see action in the Samsung NBA Summer League 2015 here in the City Beautiful.
So don’t be surprised if the Magic have some more moves to make in the next few weeks. Hennigan promised at today’s press conference, “We’ll continue to be aggressive.” One thing is for sure, you can’t blame them for not trying. And make no mistake, with Magic anything is possible.